This year I plan to follow the wise words:
Live each day as if it were your last.
I’m heading to the hospital
I’m going to find myself a comfy hospital bed
And hook myself up to a dozen machines
(hopefully I can find the one that goes ‘ping’)
I’ll start taking all sustenance through an IV
I’m gonna pee in a bag, poop in one too
Beat myself about the head to simulate memory loss, dementia, coma.
Then I’ll lay back
(Because I probably won’t be able to move anymore)
And wait for the inevitable end