Evolution of the Household Appliance (God’s Microwave)

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add “er”.

Mitch Hedberg

To err is…

impart wit
my name writ
all over it

We are mold
Growing on a burrito
God left
In heaven’s microwave 

The laundry gods
With their lightning bolts so clean
Electrifying my undies
Now, I’m the fastest thing you’ve never seen

In 1908 the Hurley Machine Company of Chicago, Illinois, launched the first electric clothes washer, named 'The Mighty Thor.'

To be
Colour free
From the restraints
Of colour

The amazing experience
Of vacuuming;
it both sucks and blows

The Pressure Cooker is updating with the times
And will now be known as the Stress Cooker.

Lune: Fridge 9000

can you hear me, HAL
problem solved
family is gone

The motorized compressors of early refrigerators (1920s) could easily malfunction, allowing the toxic gases that served as refrigerants to escape, resulting in the death of entire families.

A late night power outage
Spawns the headlamp cyclops
Prepare torches and pitchforks
Before the madness stops

The last thing I heard
before passing out
Was the toaster chime,
“You’re toast.”

It is estimated that over 700 people around the world are killed each year as a result of toaster fires and electrocutions.


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