Did you know iron is the most common element on earth, the stuff is in everything?
Anyway, I’ve been really tired lately and today my doctor told me it’s because I need more iron.
Shellfish, spinach, organs; actual organs like a zombie. It sounded like a gross list to me, so I told him, I would rather die than eat that stuff.
I guess that makes this kind of funny. I went straight home from the doctor’s office to get ready for a date. My dress was a trashed-up ball on the floor – I’ve never been one for planning ahead.
In desperate need of the iron, I began searching frantically, but it was nowhere to be found. I went looking in the closet, not the usual place we put it, but everything seems to end up there. I found it, top shelf, I have my mother to thank for that.
I went to get the step ladder because I’m tiny, a special gift from my father, the shortest man on the planet.
But as I’m carrying my little ladder of shame back to the closet, I bump the door and the iron hinges give way. The door falls in slow motion back into the rows of shelves The shock knocks over a boxed set of cast iron silverware, which bumps into an iron lantern, the lantern topples a pair of iron candlesticks, freeing a bowling ball. I stare as it begins to roll, gaining speed as it careens into the upright iron.
I’m not doing this sequence of events justice, it was like an elaborate contraption by Rube Goldberg himself, perfectly planned and executed and beautiful to watch.
The iron falls, pointed tip lining up my shocked, wide open mouth.
I didn’t move, I stood, rooted, all 4 foot 2 of me marvelling as all this plays out above me.
In that moment of my imminent death, I thought, had I known it was literally eat iron or die, I would have been chowing down on a raw liver with my bare hands, and washing it down with crab juice for good measure.
Fun Iron Facts:
- It’s the Sixth Most Common Element in the Universe.
- It Was Originally Called Ferrum.
- The First Workable Iron Came from Outer Space.
- The Eiffel Tower’s Made from Wrought Iron.
- Iron Is Vital for the Human Body.