Dear Abby

Poetry 1 Minute

Sin Reclaims

Recreation is the demon
Productivity blames
A slovenly con
Sin reclaims

Dear Abby
My Serious Condition

People think they’ve got it bad
I was born with a horrible condition
So serious and debilitating
I’m afraid to leave the house
There’s no signs of a cure either
It’s called, WPA, or more commonly known as White Person Ass.

How do your pants stay up they say
A belt, asshole, my usual response
I know my pants never look good
I don’t need to ask for a second opinion
I tried butt lifting jeans but they slid right up. People asked what’s wrong with my neck

Yes it hurts when I sit
There’s no padding or cushion
And I try not get to excited because
If I’m ever on the edge of my seat
I end up on the floor.

I can’t dance.
It just looks like a praying mantis seizing.
I do squats, but as they say, you can’t build without materials.

No one ever mentions the junk in my trunk.
There’s big booty, round booty
Bubble butts, butts, butts, butts
But where’s the special category for no butt.

They call me:
Pancakes
Ironing board
Hey, Little boy

People don’t notice me
Please help me Dear Abby,
you’re my only hope

From Tighty Whitey, Wisconsin

Weekly Theme:
Unfinished Work

I’ve rummaged through previously unfinished work with fresh eyes in an attempt to clear the clutter.

Published by Michael 'mouse' Murdoch

Published

26 thoughts on “Dear Abby”

  4. Okay. This hit a little too close to home as I suffer from tiny hinny syndrome. This condition is specific to aging Caucasian women where the backside begins to disappear resulting in “baggy butt pants” unless you learn to sew to compensate! I have become a fan of leggings and yoga pants for this very reason! (I can see you smirking so you might as well just laugh and get it over with!)

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    1. Tiny hinny syndrome 😂 love it.
      I’m sorry to hear about your condition. As a male I think we are less likely to suffer the same fate 🤔
      I’m not going to lie, I was smirking. But I didn’t laugh. How did you know?

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    1. I’m usually pretty pg with vocab, not so much with innuendo.
      I wonder if that was one of the reasons I didn’t complete this last year 🤔
      I have enough to sit down. Society doesn’t expect more than that for men.

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      1. “‘arse’ is a traditional usage… ‘Ass,’ on the other hand, is quite frankly for spinsters and little children.” the Baron (Terry Pratchett). I suspect he would also have had an opinion on butt… 😀

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