Five Words

Archive Week

This week I will posting unreleased material from last year and also reposting some reworked versions of my earliest wordpress posts which didn’t receive much of an audience.


“Come in. Let’s do this.” He clears his throat and locks eyes with the gentleman before him.
“I’m a five words or less kind of guy, that’s all you need for a good pitch.” He begins. He waves his hands about in an overly flamboyant way as if brushing away a clutter of nonsense about himself. “Never put much stock in long winded speeches. Black, white and the green, that’s what I’m interested in. ” He pauses, then nods to confirm the man is paying attention.
“You’re lucky to catch me in the office. I’m barely here. Usually sneak out and leave these drones to it.” He gestures to the door behind him as he says this.
“I can’t remember the last time I actually did anything useful for this company.”
He takes a cigar from the box on the desk, ignoring the nearby cigar cutter, he chews rabidly at the end and spits it to the floor.
“The cleaning lady will get that, she’s in love with me.” A smile spreads across his face. “Do anything for me, if you know what I mean.” With eyebrows raised, he gives the cigar a ‘Groucho style’ shake.
“I’m sure security have videos of her proving just that on this very desk.” He places his palms flat on the desk and releases a brief grunt of satisfaction.
“And don’t get me started on the breakroom fire or the money I’ve embezzled.” He gives a sly wink. “Yep, astounded I haven’t been thrown out. Say, maybe you could pitch me something about blackmail and bribes. You understand what I mean?” He reclines in the high backed office chair and puts his feet up on the desk. Comfortable, relaxed, in charge, he winks at the shocked man standing before him.
“Okay, give it to me, five words or less. Go.”
There is a long pause, each man evaluating the other, before the gentleman responds.
“Get out of my office!”

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